Our Decision to Adopt a Foster Child (Darryl Strawberry Made Me Do It!)

God Put Foster Care Adoption on My Heart 10 Years Earlier

When you’re 35, single, and your mother’s only hope for grandchildren, you start to think outside the box.  The good old biological clock was ticking, my mom kept reminding me I wasn’t getting any younger, and I was starting to feel desperate to have some sort of legacy to my life.  I explored the idea of In Vitro Fertilization, but it just wasn’t for me.  Then I looked at international adoption.  That was feeling like a better fit, but so expensive, and I questioned whether I would be a good enough mom to raise a baby on my own.  While I was googling laws and pricing and guidelines for every orphan-rich country I could think of, I stumbled on the Dave Thomas Foundation.  Reading more about the hope that could be given to a kid in foster care through adoption inspired me to research more.  I looked at the Adopt US Kids website and was completely caught up in these kids’ hopes and dreams for a permanent home.  However, I felt like I wasn’t good enough at adulting yet to be entrusted with the care of a child who really needed an adult.

Fast forward a couple of years and Honyay and I got married.  We were adjusting to life as a blended family with Captain Starburst.  Then we had Princess Milkface, and life seemed pretty settled.  Correction. Life was full and crazy, and I was thankful that I wasn’t having any more kids because I felt like I could barely keep up with the ones we had.  Daily, I was overwhelmed…with to-do lists, kids’ activities, homework, potty training, working full-time, church involvement, looking out for my mom, trying to be a wife…but also with laughter, tears, prayers, and thankfulness that I was blessed with this life that I prayed for so much over the years.

Honyay Feels a Burden for Foster Care Adoption

Then one day, Honyay sat me down and said, “I think the Holy Spirit is telling me we need to adopt a child.” My quintessential Proverbs 31 wife response was to tell him the Holy Spirit was most definitely NOT saying that to me, and if he wanted to add another kid to this house, I was going to need him to step up and help a lot more.  He simply nodded and said okay, so I interpreted that to mean the matter was closed.  Imagine my shock and awe when I heard him saying this to his mom a few months later.

I waited until we were alone, and reminded him again of all the reasons that we were not in a place to add another kid to our family.  I also pointed out that it didn’t make a lot of sense that he thought he was being told to do this, while I didn’t feel called at all.  We talked about Princess Milkface only being 3 years old, and how this could impact her.  We talked about that A LOT.  And to my relief, we put this idea on a shelf.

The Holy Spirit Uses Darryl Strawberry to Break My Heart for Orphans

A few months later, our church hosted Darryl Strawberry as a guest pastor (I know…I was a little lost on this one at first too…check out the link).  His story of finding fame and fortune from very humble beginnings…and redemption from the eventual outcome of his brokenness in fame and fortune was humbling to hear. 

As he was describing his efforts to find his way in sobriety, he talked about how God has plans to expand His kingdom, and He wants to use us, but He needs us to be obedient.  Strawberry shared how he heard God calling him to ministry, but that was SUCH a reach that he blew it off as a fluke and opened a restaurant.  And then, he continued to hear that call, so he opened a second restaurant.  Throughout this story, he kept saying something along these lines….

God is going to expand His kingdom.  He has a plan.  He wants to use you, but it’s not about you. I thought I was going to serve God by staying sober and running my restaurants.  That’s not what he wanted from me though.  It wasn’t about me and what I wanted, and it’s not about you.”

While he was talking and I was doing my best to follow along, the Holy Spirit was screaming at me.

Sharon.  It’s not about you.  The adoption…it’s not about you.  I want you to adopt a foster child because I need people to take care of my children.  It’s. Not. About. You.

There were tears streaming down my face by the time he was done speaking.  I turned to Honyay and whispered, “I get it.  The Holy Spirit was screaming at me.  We need to adopt.”

Planning and Action Towards Adoption

We continued to talk about the impact of this decision on Captain Starburst, and especially on Princess Milkface.  However, we were planning through the lens of obedience. We felt uncomfortable, but we also trusted that God wouldn’t bring us to this place without having a plan to bring us through this.  I realized that God would not have blessed us with Princess Milkface with the intent of giving us a reason to recuse ourselves from doing kingdom work.

We started to seriously research the process to adopt from foster care in our area, and we signed up for orientation in October.  From there, we enrolled in the next available Professional Parenting class that started in December.

We Didn’t Choose Foster Care Adoption Because We’re “Special” (we’re not)

Since making this decision, we’ve had many people congratulate us and tell us how admirable we are for doing such a thing.  Each time I hear this, it honestly makes my skin crawl.  If nothing else becomes clear through reading this blog, know this.

We are not special.

We are not “holier” than anyone else.

We fall away from God’s path for us and fall back into our self-centered ways all too often.

We made a choice to be obedient, not after reading God’s word where he repeatedly calls us to care for orphans and widows, but after the Holy Spirit shoved a holy foot up our unholy backsides.

I’m committed to honestly sharing the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly in our lives to illustrate that We. Are. Not. Special.

It’s kind of ironic.  We all make hundreds of decisions every day…decisions at work, decisions about the route that we drive and whether we follow the speed limit, decisions about how we want to drink our coffee and what we eat for dinner.  How often do we stop before making those decisions to question whether God is really calling us down that path?

So why do we push back and say we don’t feel called when He gives us clear direction repeatedly in His Word?  For me, it was an unnecessarily long journey to get to this place of obedience.  And when I took that first step towards Him, he opened the floodgates with sharing His plans for me and started to put plans in motion that would unfold as nothing short of miraculous.

When I read Psalm 82 through a posture of obedience, it is ALL about me.  How can it be all about you?